Jul 10 2014

Who I am

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I was not an athlete growing up. I still don’t think of myself as one, either. As a kid, I begged for notes to get out of PE and was not involved in any sports in school, or anywhere else for that matter. I was more comfortable with my books- the characters did not judge me. I struggled with weight all throughout my childhood and adolescence into adulthood. Food and I had a rather twisted relationship. It was emotional, providing comfort and security. It was also painful as I knew I had to eat to live, but I preferred to live to eat. My mother was constantly on the latest fad diet, whether it was no-fat, low-fat, no-carb. Names like Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, and Atkins were household topics. What and how much I ate seemed to be more important than anything else as a kid. I saw food as a crutch, a reward, a source of pain and pleasure. I carried this view into my adolescence, where I grew to be ashamed of my body. I did not celebrate what it could do, only mourn that I did not fit into the cute prom dresses and bathing suits. I loathed that I could not buy the cute bras and matching panties; being forced instead to buy the highly engineered and supportive “minimizers” to carry my size DD breasts in high school. I hid behind baggy sweatshirts and comforted myself with food. This was my lifestyle for 30+ years.

Until the summer of 2016, I never liked anything involved with fitness. Sure, I occasionally “worked out”, but it was nothing very intense. I would start to do something, such as exercise videos, walking in my neighborhood, and yoga, but I never stuck with it. I also followed in my mother’s footsteps and dieted constantly, counting calories and attending meetings. I still carried the weight of shame for my body, and the accompanying health issues- pre-diabetes, asthma, allergies, back pain, and high blood pressure.

But then my Dad had a heart attack and needed a triple bypass. And my father-in-law died from complications of a stroke.

Shit just got real. I was headed down that same path if I did not do something, and fast.

The journey starts July 20, 2016 in a Crossfit gym.

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