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Archive for September, 2010

Scrub a dub dub in the tub…

Saturday, September 25th, 2010

In my house, no one goes to the bathroom alone. No, you do not have a human escort. Your companion is usually of the animal variety. Yogi is the classic bathroom buddy. He races in as soon as he sees anyone headed in that direction. Once you sit on the can, he sits right at your feet, looking soulfully into your eyes. Well, as soulfully as a dumb dog can get.
I do wonder what he is thinking when he is observing this process. Is he wondering what he can do to help, or what we are doing, and why we do it so many times in the day, and why we have to get out of bed to do in the middle of the night. Most of all, I think he is just wondering when he going to eat again.
The other night, I was soaking in a lovely lavender- scented bubble bath, reading a juicy murder mystery. Yes, I read in the tub (I bet you do too- come on, reading the in the bathroom? Is like an Olympic sport!).
John is on the can, which is located close to the bathtub. I am trying to relax and enjoy my book, when my vision was suddenly assaulted.
John dangled a half-used roll of toilet paper in front of my face.
Now for a little backstory- I am lazy, as you may know. When the TP roll is used up, it is hit or miss if I will replace it with a full one. If the roll goes empty on ME, I will usually pull down a full roll from the shelf, but it is not very often that I will put it on the spindle thingy. John has many theories as to why I do this, but I have one that is most applicable- I. Do. Not. Care.
Back to the tub incident.
John dangled this roll, and said, “Really?!”
I started to laugh, because I thought it was hilarious.
He did not find my hilarity nor the TP issue amusing.
Now, to defend myself (this is my story, after all) there WAS some paper left on the roll. Maybe about 5 squares, but it WAS on the roll.
I see now reason why John was so upset. After all, there was TP on the roll AND on the spindle.
Nevertheless, he did not see the humor in the situation.
His threat was to take all the half-used rolls of TP and store them in the garage, giving them to me when I hollered for him to get me TP because we were out.
I did not find that funny at all.
I guess he and I have different senses of what is funny.
Later that night, his knee was acting up, and he could not take any ibuprofen because it would interact with some other medication he was on.
I did the good wifey thing and found some acetaminophen in the first aid kit. I even brought it to him, and helped him take it.
He said that I was forgiven for the TP spindle roll incident, and that he will never say another word.
Yeah right.
I think it was the drugs.

Designer Diapers?! WTF?!

Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

I am very easily amused. When I see something that makes me laugh, I will most often times go into a giggle fit that will last for a while. Just this evening, I was watching some quality reality television (Police Women of Memphis), and actually watched a commercial break. Most of the commercial breaks, I am up getting something to eat, taking care of some furry creature or another, or going to the bathroom. This time, I actually had a chance to sit.
One the screen- in HD, no less, shows a toddler clad in a jean-style diaper and a white button down t-shirt. He is walking down the street- presumably Rodeo Drive- and people are dropping everything to look at him. Apparently, his high-styling diaper has caught the attention of these snobby fashionistas.
I look down at what I am wearing- a pair of gym shorts and a ratty t-shirt and I’m thinking that this kid looks better than I do. Imagine me walking down rodeo drive wearing what I am in- I would send those fashionistas running for the hills!
Back to the commercial- I see these people ogling this kid, and then catch the tagline for this particular brand, “The coolest you’ll look while pooping your pants.” This makes me laugh myself sick. I realize that they are available for a limited time only, so apparently, you can only look cool shitting yourself for a limited time. I post these thoughts on facebook, and my vet (yes, I am facebook friends with my vet- she came to my wedding too) adds that some people can look cool crapping themselves in a paper bag. This starts a full on giggle fit for me (and yet another reason why I love my vet- she has a wonderful sense of the absurd).
This makes me wonder if the adult diaper world would use an idea like this one to style-up their products. I am sure adults, more so than infants and toddlers, are concerned about how they look when crapping themselves. This can open up a whole line of designer depends- not just jean, but stripes, polka dots, and even plaid. And why stop there- let’s bring in the big names, such as Armani, Chanel, and for the men we can have Hugo Boss. This can even show your styling skills in the care home- next thing you know, the old folks will be ordering the young’uns to bring them their favorite designer depends in, and be sure to get the right size, damn it!
As I am taking my dogs out in the yard for their evening constitutional, another thought crosses my mind- why not have styling diapers for dogs? I do know that there are diapers for dogs- I have seen them, and considered purchasing them for an elderly dog we had who had issues with bladder control. We all have seen dogs dressed up in all sorts of costumes- even I am guilty of dressing of my two in Santa and Mrs. Claus outfits (they looked adorable). So why not do designer doggie diapers? That would really make a statement at the dog park, for sure.
All of these thoughts lead me to wonder what is next for kids? I mean really, jean diapers? Come on. Ok, maybe I am really jealous and wanting them in adult styles for when I need them. That’s it!